Episode 53. What You Do to Get It, You Have to Do to Keep It

Join me this week as I share why we have hustle culture wrong. The most important takeaway is – whatever you do to get what you want, you have to keep doing to keep it. Knowing this, you can uncover what you’re really desiring, and use that to fuel what you create.

Here’s what’s possible when you know the difference between creating from desire vs. hustle:

  • Why ‘doing whatever it takes’ to create what you want usually leads to being disappointed
  • How to uncover what it is you’re *really wanting* (which is the reason you want the thing you want)
  • How to utilize your desire to create with self-compassion, befriending yourself, and using goals to pursue self-growth (rather than hustling, proving yourself, and seeking external validation)

Episode links:

  • Want to begin a journaling habit? The Daily Writing Prompts are supportive and thoughtful prompts to discover what you believe is possible for youwhat you want, and what’s in the way right now. Learn more HERE
  • Want some support in getting quiet and tuning into what you’re thinking about, or what’s calling to you, today? Go to www.jenmoulton.com/newsletter and sign up to get my completely free Intuitive Creation Audio. You’ll receive my unique process to reliably tap in BEFORE you make any creative work so you can overcome procrastination, overwhelm, and where-do-i-start-itis.

If you enjoy listening, please subscribe, rate and review, and forward this episode to a friend who would benefit from it too.

Let’s become a generation of creative women who are examples for the people in our lives of what it looks like to prioritize our work (AND recognize our impact).

x, Jen

Full episode transcript below:

Welcome to today's episode, What You Do to Get It, You Have to Do to Keep It. 

 I think that there's a really common idea or plan that we all seem to believe, and I think, I mean, I think I know where it comes from. I think we're, it's an idea that sold to us. But the idea being that we can hustle our way to where we want to be and then once we got there, we think that we'll be able to enjoy it. We'll be able to relax, maybe we'll be able to work class or take time off or enjoy it more. Something like that. 

And that's what I want to talk about today. 

This is not how it works. I have realized this, and now I'm on a mission to share it with other people, because I think it's so, so important to know this.

Here's how it actually works. 

And I want to say that so far, this has proven to be very true for me, but as always, I definitely want you to check this against what feels right for you. 

What I have come to believe is that whatever you do to create something, whatever you do to create it, you'll have to keep doing in order to keep it. 

So that means whatever you do to create the thing, whether it's a project, a career, a relationship, I think this is applicable to like pretty much everything - whatever you do in order to create it, have it, attain it, maintain it - you're going to have to keep doing in order to keep it. 

And I want this to like really sink in. I think that so often we are willing to sacrifice our wellbeing, our time, our energy, we're willing to hustle, we're willing to 'do whatever it takes' quote unquote, and what we don't realize is that the trade off is that we will have to keep doing that in order to maintain it. 

So that means that whatever lifestyle you desire, once you quote, get there, you must begin living and creating it now, while you're on your path. While you're on your way to creating it or having it. I really believe that this is a transformational truth to learn, and to really understand. To really let it settle into your bones. 

When we do whatever it takes to reach our goal, then we are on the hook to keep doing whatever it takes to keep it. And very often, I don't think that we're actually interested in, or willing, or wanting to keep doing whatever it takes to maintain it. 

 I think that this is the lie that we're sold in hustle culture: do whatever it takes to get there and then you can have the lifestyle you want.   You can have the experience of life that you want. But that doesn't actually happen. 

And I want you to check this for yourself. 

I want you to think about a time that you compromised in order to get something. And now consider, once you got it,  were you finally able to relax and enjoy it? 

 That might sound a little different to you,  that's when I hear a lot, that's when I think a lot, like, oh, I'll be able to relax and enjoy it. It might be a little different for you. But once you got the thing, were you able to have the experience you wanted to have? Were you feeling the way you wanted to feel? Were you experiencing life the way that you wanted to experience life? 

 I'm going to guess at the answer is no. And I bet that it felt really sad at the time to realize that. Like what a major disappointment. I know that I've been there. And I want you to know that there's another way. 

The other way is to feel how you want to feel while you create this thing that you desire in your life. It's a completely different way of doing and being. And it's possible to get there by doing it this way. 

And I want to explain what I mean - what I mean when I say the other way is to feel how you want to feel while you create this thing that you want. I want to explain that a little bit because I think that's said a lot and repeated a lot, and I used to be like, how do you actually do that? I don't know what you're talking about. Like, it just seemed like this very esoteric thing. 

Here's what I mean: 

The way to do this is to think about the thing that you want to have, or create, or be, or do, whatever that is for you and examine this thing for yourself and get curious about how you think you will feel when you have that thing.   

And not just when you have it, but probably more like when it's just a normal part of your life. When it's not new and exciting in this crazy thrill but it's just like this part of the fabric or the quilt of your life. 

I think that a common feeling that we're all actually seeking is peace. But it could be anything for you, it could be any emotion that you're desiring. 

 And I do want to say here that when you find this desired emotion for yourself, to explore it and to just keep digging and being like, okay, if I have the feeling of accomplished, then what would that get me? Just keep digging around and seeing if you land on like a root that feels really meaningful to you. 

For me, I shared peace because that's a really meaningful one for me. It matters a lot to me.  And it's one that I often find is beneath things that I'm wanting. 

And so again, I'm going to use the example of peace here. 

If I know that what I'm actually desiring is peace when I'm wanting this thing,  and when I said that the other way is to feel how you want to feel while you create this thing that you desire in your life. What I mean, is that, I or you, are going to find peace while we're doing the work of creating or attaining or ascertaining the thing that we want. 

 I'm going to do it from a place of peace. You're going to do it from a place of peace, or whatever feeling is meaningful for you here. 

And we would do it from a place of peace, rather than hustle or whatever it takes. However that looks for you, like the sacrifice, the pushing yourself, the  losing yourself, the compromising your wellbeing in order to do the thing. 

If you get in touch with why you want the thing that you want, the underlying desire - which is an emotion - if you get in touch with that, then you can create the thing that you're wanting from that place. Where that's already intact. 

And then once you have it, the thing that you want and you created it from a place of peace, you will be able to maintain it from that place. It's so much easier. 

I'm going to say that you could probably make this switch. Although, I think it would be much more difficult to do it this way. And there's a lot of growing pains involved if you create something from hustle and then you want to maintain it from peace. That would probably be a pretty difficult transition. And maybe that's part of your path so I'm not going to say that's the wrong way to do it, but I just think that there'll be a lot of growing pains involved in doing it that way. 

 If, instead, you do it from again, we're using the example of peace here, but whatever the actual desired emotion is, if instead you create it from a place of peace and then you maintain it from a place of peace - you create the thing you want and then you maintain the thing you want from peace - then you are aligned to it the entire time. 

 And what I hope you can see here is that there's I don't know, like soldiers that are lining up behind this. Right? So you get to maintain it from a place of alignment and peace. But also when you do it from an aligned place to begin with, when you create it from an aligned place to begin with, then you were able to create it and then also maintain it with self-compassion and befriending yourself and doing it from a place of care and in pursuit of your own growth. Rather than hustling, proving yourself, seeking external accomplishment, looking for external validation, et cetera. 

And most of all, when you create it from a place of what you're really desiring, again, we're using the example of peace here, that means that you will be able to enjoy yourself while you were in the process of creating it for yourself, and not just once you 'get there'. 

So you'll be able to enjoy yourself while you're in process. And this is important because sometimes it can take a few years for something to come to fruition in your life. You can enjoy yourself while you're in process. And not just put off your enjoyment until you get there in some future place that you actually have very little control over. 

 I think that we all know what it's like and how painful it is to put our self worth, to put our enjoyment of life, to put our self-compassion, and befriending ourselves into a future place that we're chasing. 

That is one way to do life for sure. And it's a way that I think a lot of us are taught to do life. It's certainly available to us. 

But I want to offer here that we can do it with more soft kindness and befriending ourselves when we get in touch with our desire first. 

Which again is the feeling that we're desiring from the thing that we're wanting, the feeling that we want to have, the feeling that we want to experience. And once we know what that feeling is, we can create it from that place. We can create the thing that we want from that place. 

And then, what we did to get it, will feel very aligned, and then it will feel very aligned to continue to maintain it from that place. 

And like I said, I just think our experience is so much better when we are clear on why we want to create it, and then we use that to fuel creating the thing, getting the thing, having the thing. And then being able to experience it from there. 

It's like kind of like a, maybe a good metaphor here would be if you're building your path and the path is a road. What do you paving the path with? 

Are you paving it with clarity, and connection to your why, and clear on your desire and creating that experience that you want while you're paving your path? And then of course, along with that goes self-compassion and befriending yourself and doing things for the pursuit of self-growth - that's one way to pave the path. 

Another way is again, the way that we're all taught and so I have a lot of compassion for this, I don't have judgment around it, more that I just want you to know so that you can make an informed decision. Hustle,  self-sacrifice, doing whatever it takes, pushing, rushing, urgency, and all of the emotions that go along with that, that's another way to pave our path. We have a choice. We get to choose how we want to experience the path that we are building. 

And I'm offering here that you can pave your path with hustle, and then transition into the emotional experience that you want to have - the relaxation, enjoyment, et cetera. That is possible, I think, in most cases.  

But I think it's a really rough transition. And instead you can do that legwork now, while you're going and kind of ahead of time - get clear on the why, get clear on what you  actually want to experience, and then use that to fuel yourself while you're creating an attaining the thing that you're wanting. 

I am so glad that you are here and that we get to walk our paths together. See you next time. Same time, same place. Bye for now.​


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